Mad Max (1979)

When I was young, "The Road Warrior" was the shit.  Being from North America, I remember finding out about "Mad Max" after the fact and always thinking of it as "The Road Warrior"'s inferior low budget predecessor.  Watching it again many years later, I think that "Mad Max" may now be my favorite of the series.  Mel Gibson stars as Max, a highway cop in a post-apocalyptic world.  After taking down a convict named the Nightrider, Max soon finds that the Nightrider's biker gang is out to avenge their friend.  The main targets are Max and his partner/best friend Goose (Steve Bisley).  The great thing about this movie that sets it apart from many others in the genre is that it develops the relationships of the supporting characters enough to make you empathize with Max and gives the viewer some sense of what he is feeling.  The movie also manages to not fall into the trap of simply showcasing the cars and stunts but instead using them as tools to tell the story in addition to entertaining the viewer.  Although "Mad Max" is essentially a post-apocalyptic road movie, is it set close enough to the present so that we can somewhat relate to what is going on and creates a biker/revenge movie that happens to be set in a post-apocalyptic world rather than a post-apocalyptic movie that happens to have shades of a biker/revenge movie.  Gibson was born to be a movie star with this character and director George Miller succeeded in creating a cool hero that we have come to love.  If you have seen "The Road Warrior" but have not yet seen "Mad Max", check it out.

Viewer Discretion Advised (1998)

"Viewer Discretion Advised" attempts to take the sketch comedy style of shows like "Saturday Night Live" and "Mad TV" and put it in a film format.  This has been done before in movies like "Kentucky Fried Movie" and "Amazon Women On The Moon" and done much better in those films.  One complaint I have about bringing this format to the movies is that the filmmakers tend to start the film with a series of shorter sketches and then seem to feel like they need to have a lengthy sketch to finish the film.  I find that this takes away from the picture as all the short pieces are usually hit or miss but are only a few minutes long.  What this does is increase one's patience in knowing that things will change quickly and it also shortens the viewer's attention span.  When a lengthier piece comes on, I find that it feels way too long because the format of the film has me accustomed to the shorter pieces.  I wish that they would just go with the short sketches for the entire running time.  Anyways, "Viewer Discretion Advised" follows this format as has some entertaining short pieces including a gory cowboy pain competition, a funny and nudity filled dildo commercial, a game show parody, and more silliness.  It then moves on to a slasher movie parody for the lengthier piece with a Soprano-like Italian named Tony knowing all the 'rules' of slasher movies.  This had it's moments but the Tony character was recycling jokes and it felt like they were trying to extend this sketch to me a certain running time.  I also should add that the slasher parody has been done to death and was done much better in films like "Student Bodies" and "Scream".  All in all, there were some funny bits but I would suggest renting "Kentucky Fried Movie" again or finding some older SNL episodes if it is sketch comedy you are craving.  

The Third Society (2000)

I have to admit that I cringed at the title of this one.  We have the tale of a woman who watched her mother die at the hands of an Asian gangster and who grew up to become a cop named Jones.  At the beginning of the film, Jones' sister Erica is kidnapped by the same gangster and forced to provide passwords so that he can transfer one billion dollars between bank accounts.  It does not take long for Jones to get wind of this and the rest of the film involves Jones trying to save her sister and get revenge for the death of her mother.  It sounds pretty generic and is but something about this movie seemed to set it apart from the pack.  Maybe it is partially the fact that writer/director/star J.A. Steel made an independent movie herself and did not do a horror movie.  It is very rare that you will see a self financed action/martial arts movie shot on such a low budget.  Even more impressive is the fact that it looks good, has a decent soundtrack, has a likeable character in Jones that you root for, has some funny moments that do not take away from the plot, and overall it looks like they spent a lot more than they probably did.  In addition to this, I found the acting to be decent and there was some nice cinematography (especially in the first few minutes).  The only major complaint I have is that some scenes were a bit repetitive and there were a little too many introspective music montages for my liking.  I don't like feeling like I am watching a padded running time and I did get this feeling a few times especially during a lengthy airport runway sequence featuring a plane, cool cars, an airplane, and a helicopter all looking like they were going nowhere in particular.  Overall, I was pleasantly surprised with this low budget flick from a former disciple of martial arts legend Sho Kosugi ("Revenge of the Ninja") and I hope that J.A. Steel can learn from her mistakes and make a really kick-ass movie the next time around.

Beach Babes From Beyond (1993)

With the recent popularity of labels such as Surrender Cinema, Seduction Cinema, and various Playboy erotic thrillers, the 'soft core' movies of the 90's sure seem innocent.  When "Beach Babes From Beyond" first came out from the Full Moon offshoot Torchlight Entertainment, it was deemed as the debut release of a label that specialized in sexy entertainment.  Things have sure changed as this type of entertainment has gone from a few short sex scenes and loads of scantily clad actresses to extended lesbian scenes or sex scenes that sometimes push the boundaries of triple X.  Looking at "Beach Babes From Beyond" again, I am seeing it more as a campy b-movie from the end of the classic era of the scream queens and sex sirens of the 80's and early 90's.  Sarah Bellomo, Tamara Landry, and Nicole Posey star as the title babes who happen to crash land on earth when they are joyriding in Sarah's parents spaceship.  They soon meet up with a trio of earth guys, pair off, and hang out on the beach.  When one of the guys' cool surfer uncle (Joe Estevez) is threatened with being evicted from his beach house the girls take action and enter the local bikini contest to try and raise enough money to save the beach house all while trying to find a way home.  The movie had a certain innocence to it and followed the usual plot of movies from this genre in this era and I enjoyed all the cameo appearances and familiar faces.  Look for Linnea Quigley as a lovesick woman vying for Estevez's love, Don Swayze (Patrick's brother) as Sarah's dad, Jackie Stallone (Sly's dad) as Sarah's mom, Joey Travolta (John's brother) as a hippie food vendor, Burt Ward (Robin from the "Batman" TV series) as a businessman who is not evil, and b-movie star Nikki Fritz in one of her first roles as a bikini model.  My visions of innocence where shattered when I discovered that the sweet Sarah Bellomo became porn star Roxanne Blaze soon after this movie was made.  I was also depressed to find out that co-star Ken Steadman ("I Like To Play Games") died in a dune buggy accident at the age of 27.  Maybe I should watch this movie again so I can cheer up.  The movie was directed by Dave DeCoteau ("Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama") under one of his many aliases.

Rotten Shaolin Zombies (2004)

It is not every day that you come across a movie like this.  When you do, the result is usually not nearly what you expected.  I have to say that "Rotten Shaolin Zombies" met and exceeded my expectations and was fucking rad.  Fans of campy b-movies will love this cheesy short zombie flick about two brothers who are enjoying life by sparring and doing kung fu poses until one of the brothers has his eye eaten by a crazed blowfish in a sushi restaurant.  This leads to his death and while his brother is mourning, the dead brother returns from the grave to rip out lower backs and tongues and eat them.  An eventual showdown in a Calgarian field showcases some kung fu, gore, and resolution to the problem that 'brother' has.  I thought this flick was hilarious and enjoyed it immensely in an Ed Wood type way (although this was much more entertaining than most of Mr. Wood's movies).  Jack of all trades Blaine Wasylkiw made the wise decision to make this as a short film and thus it never got boring and he loaded the DVD with a shitload of extras.  The effects were ok, the fights were quick, and the movie had me laughing a few times.  There was even a little bit of a weird musical interlude (well, at least a rhyming interlude) as well as a theme song that sounds like it came straight off of a Dr. Demento compilation.  I totally recommend this one to anyone who is looking for a laugh and for groups of drunk people.  Click on the picture for the official web site and ordering info. 

Nomad Riders (1981)

The main biker in a biker film should not be riding a dirt bike, that is just wrong.  It seems that the makers of this early 80's stinker thought that it was cool for some reason.  They also thought that making the lead character, Steve Thrust, a cross between Woody Allen, Richard Belzer, Charles Bronson, Eddie Deezen, and Dr. Evil would also be cool but they were wrong again.  Sure, his name has a bit of camp value but this character is lame.  The movie opens with Thrust (Tony Laschi) going for a glider ride (?) while his wife and kid watch from below.  For some reason, the big bad bikers led by the non-threatening Grenades (Wayne Chema) throw Thrust's family into a tent and then blow it up.  The bikers then go on to blow up a construction worker in an outhouse and assault an old woman who reads both Life and Playgirl.  I suppose this is all to set up what bad-asses these guys are but they looked more like lame-asses to me.  Thrust is pissed by now and quits his job as a cop and then begins his own investigation so that he can exact his revenge on the killers.  My favorite scene in this movie was the biker bar scene where we see a bad stripper who doesn't strip, a biker playing with a Rubik's cube, Grenades losing in arm wrestling with his butch girlfriend, a resident tarot card reader, headbands, the moonwalk, and more.  We also get a lame scalping, a lame catfight, an annoying score, and an unnecessary love interest for Thrust that makes him lose whatever edge he had.  In conclusion, avoid this one.  Director Frank Roach also made "Frozen Scream".

Q : The Winged Serpent (1982)

A dragon-like creature is flying around the Big Apple and killing people when not hanging out in it's nest at the top of the Chrysler Building.  It was awakened by a religious fanatic who has been sacrificing humans by filleting them or tearing out their hearts.  David Carradine and Richard Roundtree are the lucky cops who get the case and Carradine soon makes the connection between the skinned victims and the flying bundle of prehistoric joy.  As this cop storyline is unfolding, we are also following a small-time hood named Jimmy Quinn (Michael Moriarty) on his latest job as a driver in a diamond robbery.  When the heist is botched, Jimmy ends up in the Chrysler Building when he is on the run.  He discovers the nest and soon realizes (in his sleazy con-artist mind) that he can use this to his advantage and can gain fame and fortune.  I loved the genre crossing of the horror and the cop thriller in this film as these are my favorite film genres.  The fact that it was filmed on location in New York in the early 80's adds a grittiness that we no longer see and the movie really feels like a cop movie that happens to have a head chomping serpent with a penchant for nude sunbathers flying around.  Sure, the stop motion effects may look a little old school in today's computer generated world but that's the way I like 'em.  Special mention goes to the great dialogue scene with Carradine and Moriarty in the coffee shop.  Both of these actors were amazing in the film and this scene really showcased them both.  This was written and directed by the one and only Larry Cohen who makes New York look cooler than anyone.  B-movies don't get much better than this.

Speed Of Life (1999)

Don't be misled by the box for this that looks like a rainy day action movie.  What we have here is a bleak look at the life of a young man named Drew (Scott Caan), a struggling mechanic/student who tends to his handicapped Alzheimer victim father while trying to maintain some sort of normal life.  Mia Kirshner ("Exotica") plays a girl named Sarah whose presence in Drew's life seems both negative and positive but also seems to help Drew find some answers to his troubles.  I kept expecting a big action sequence especially when Drew's childhood friend turned thug (Anthony Ruivivar from TV's "Third Watch") shows up but this cliche never occurred.  Instead there were solid performances, stylish direction, a feeling of hope through all of the sadness, and a surprisingly good film.  Leo Burmester's ("The Abyss") performance as Drew's father was stunning.  Director Rob Schmidt went on to make the great backwoods horror flick "Wrong Turn".  

Treasure Of The Yankee Zephyr (1981)

Mildly entertaining adventure story about a guy (Ken Wahl from "Wiseguy"), his old drunk friend (Donald Pleasance), and the drunk's daughter (Lesley Ann Warren).  The movie opens with Wahl and Pleasance flying around in a helicopter trying to catch a deer.  Pleasance winds up being left behind and on his trek back to town he stumbles across the wreck of a World War Two plane within which he finds a box of Old Crow and some military medals.  He returns to town and after selling the medals to a local antique store, he persuades Wahl to bring him back up to the plane.  Unbeknownst to all of them, the plane is also full of fifty million dollars worth of gold bars and cash.  Evil George Peppard knows this though and soon he and his gang of cronies with bad hair are on the tail of the good guys.  They shoot down their helicopter and the duration of the movie is pretty much a race to the Yankee Zephyr by foot, by speedboat, and by a chopper/tank hybrid.  This is a run of the mill early 80's movie on the heels of "Raiders Of The Lost Ark" that was frankly pretty boring.  Aside from a very brief shot of Warren in a wet top and a few explosions, this flick doesn't really have much going for it.  In addition to Pleasance's portrayal of a very annoying drunk who is constantly laughing to himself, we also have a gay-sounding British accent from Peppard, and Warren sounding like she is having a constant orgasm.  Surprisingly, this was directed by David Hemmings (star of "Blow Up" and "Deep Red") and the boom operator was Lee Tamahori who went on to direct "Once Were Warriors" and the Bond flick "Die Another Day".  In regards to the music, listen for a 'homage' to "The Great Escape" theme in the score.  

13 Seconds (2003)

Usually a good horror movie will deliver about five or six decent scares throughout the duration of the film.  "13 Seconds" delivers five or six scares every few minutes.  Writer/director/star Jeff Thomas brings us a tale of a band going to an abandoned building to record their new record.  Sure, this set-up was used before in movies like "Rock And Roll Nightmare" but I can assure you that it is a different experience.  There is no intentional campiness here but what you do get in the largest collection of freaky images that I have seen packed together in a film in quite some time.  The numerous make-up effects from Robert Miller and Malefactor Studios EFX are convincing, creative, and very messy.  Some of the kills are quite nasty including a guy being strangled by his own intestines and another person being choked by a hand the explodes from their chest.  In addition to the gorehounds being pleased, there are some creepy demon creatures and lots of slamming doors and shadows passing the camera to creep anyone out who is watching this alone in a dark room.  The best part of all of this is that everything is well lit with the proper care being taken to showcase the effects properly and create a frightening tone.  Unfortunately, a main detractor from the film is the acting and some of the sound mix.  It is difficult to distinguish the main culprit here as most of the actors voices seem like they are dubbed over resulting in some of the flattest line readings that I have ever heard.  This problem also accentuates some of the wooden performances and detracts from the whole experience.  These problems were really noticeable in the first half hour but if you can get past this major flaw then you will really enjoy this flick.  Click on the picture for the official web site.

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