This movie rules and was one of my favorites last year. Mark Wahlberg stars as Melvin Smiley, a hitman who "can't stand the idea of anyone not liking him". He is part of a team of four (including Lou Diamond Phillips as Cisco, Bokeem Woodbine as Crunch, and Antonio Sabato Jr. as Vince) who pull off hits together but our story focuses on a kidnapping that they all plan to pull off. They want to hold the daughter (China Chow) of a local millionaire for ransom but the problem lies in the fact that unknown to them, the millionaire has recently gone bankrupt and also happens to be the best friend of their boss. All of this is happening as Melvin is trying to keep the women in his life happy (impossible), Cisco is trying to make a buck no matter who he has to double cross, Crunch is trying to master the art of masturbation, and Vince vanishes for the rest of the film because of that "thing he has to do on the weekend". "The Big Hit" is like the ultimate flick for me because it is a lot of fun, it doesn't take itself too seriously, it has fantastic action sequences, and the writing still manages to be amusing and funny and all of the performances are very natural. Some of the action scenes are nonsensical and there isn't any heavy drama but if you are just looking for a harmless movie that will make you happy and is a blast to watch, check it out. Some of the co-stars include Avery Brooks, Christina Applegate, Elliott Gould, and Lela Rochon. Producers include John Woo, Wesley Snipes, and Terence Chang and director Kirk Wong comes from a background of Hong Kong action including "Organized Crime and Triad Bureau" and Jackie Chan's "Crime Story".
From Dusk Till Dawn 2 - Texas Blood Money (1999)
It really hurts me to slam a genre picture and I have gone over and over whether or not I should even bother but if I want this site to be honest, I have to really lay into something once in a while. It is not too often that I am actually angry while watching a movie but I must say that while I was in the midst of this dreck waiting for the running time to elapse, I was fully pissed off. How could they take one of the better horror films of recent memory and absolutely destroy any credibility of the possible franchise within the first five minutes of what I think is the worst sequel in movie history? The cover art which depicts a photo of one of the "stars" Tiffani-Amber Thiessen fails to mention the fact that she has about five lines of dialogue and lasts about the same number of minutes. Robert Patrick's talent is grossly wasted as is whatever talent that anyone else has. Holy shit, I cannot write a bad enough review of this movie. I am at a loss for words other than saying that this is the biggest disappointment in a long time. I felt like the people in "Mars Attacks" when they were all gathered waiting for the aliens. It was probably the same shock and betrayal they felt when the aliens started blasting. Everything about this movie sucked and I do not understand how Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, and Lawrence Bender would allow their names to be remotely associated with this waste of celluloid. I would rather have watched "The Bodyguard" in a foreign language.
I think that this may be the first Fred Olen Ray movie that I have seen that is about vampires. The reigning b-movie God directed this vampire flick back in 1993 and cast regular Tim Abell as a young executive who while dealing with the death of his wife, is brought into the world of vampires via a strip club called "Night Shade". He is drawn there by mysterious e-mail messages and he soon discovers that his purpose there is more than watching beautiful women remove their clothing. Co-stars include Tane McClure ("Scorned 2", "Caged Hearts") as the head vampire, Teresa Langley as Tim's wife, and other Olen Ray regulars Ross Hagen and G. Gordon Baer. Nikki Fritz does a strip show as does Katz, Misty Raye, and a few others. In case you haven't guessed, this one is chock full of nudity and simulated sex (much more than many other Ray films) but it still was entertaining as a b-movie as well.
I have never seen a movie quite like this one. It is like a sixties surf movie crossed with the "Batman" television series. Vin Saxon stars as Lonnie Lord, a pop icon who doubles as a crime fighter with a superhero costume named Rat Pfink. He has a partner who by day is a gardener but by night is Rat Pfink's sidekick Boo Boo. They ride around on a motorcycle with a sidecar and bust crime and serve as role models for children. The main plot of this story is that a gang of three hooligans abuse women for kicks and it is up to Rat Pfink and Boo Boo to stop them when Rat Pfink's girl becomes their latest prey. There is lots of groovy music, cheesy dialogue, and good old fashioned fun throughout this flick and it has a sixties innocence that makes for a really good time. My favorite part was a big beach party scene where Lonnie performs and girls swoon and everyone is dancing. The scene was totally unexpected and put a new light on a movie that was already quite enjoyable for its cheesiness. This is a classic b-movie that was just an all around good time. I think that some people criticized director Ray Dennis Steckler for not being a good director but in the world of low budget cinema, he was one of the pioneers who pulled it off with great results.
Here is a great idea that creeped me out. Imagine getting a job as the caretaker of a cemetery where there is a map of the graves on the wall of your little shack. The graves are all marked with little pins - black for occupied and white for a purchased plot but still alive. How frightened would you be if you discovered that if you exchanged a white pin for a black one, that person would die and if you exchanged a black pin for a white one, the person would return from the grave? This is one of the coolest concepts for a horror movie that I have heard in a while and it is executed very well with Richard Boone in the lead role of the new caretaker of the cemetery. People begin to die and he is drawn more and more into the madness of his situation and his attempts to prove that he is telling the truth only make him lose his sanity more. The director of this tale is Albert Band who is none other than the father of the future head of Full Moon Entertainment, Charles Band. "I Bury The Living" was a suspenseful film that is exactly what a really scary ghost story from the campfire would look like if it became a movie.
This is one of the last things in the world that I would ever think that I would give a good review to but I guess that just because I don't like "South Park", it does not mean that I won't like everything that director Trey Parker puts his name on. Parker directs, writes, and stars in this feature about a door to door mormon named Joe who happens to get involved in the porn industry as an actor so that he can pay for his church wedding. He is cast as a porn superhero named Orgazmo and the movie is such a crossover hit that is is being covered from everything from AVN to Time to Entertainment Tonight. A child of God at heart, Joe decides to get out of the business but his evil producer Maxxx Orbison insists that he continue making Orgazmo movies. Joe and his trusty sidekick Ben decide that they may need to bring their superpowers into the real world to overthrow the forces of evil and ensure that no harm comes to Joe's wife. Yes, it is outrageous but I was laughing out loud in some parts and although the two leads are in the porn business, they act the same as Rat Pfink and Boo-Boo reviewed elsewhere in this update. There are a number of porn stars in the cast including a big part by Ron Jeremy as well as supporting roles from Chasey Lain and Juli Ashton, and cameos by Shayla LaVeaux, Jill Kelly, and Jeanna Fine. Troma fans will also get a kick out of Lloyd Kaufman in a small role as a penis doctor. This movie is crude and there is a lot of suggestive language and scenes so some may be offended but I'm so used to this stuff that it didn't phase me. I thought it was great.
This is a typical 80's teen sex comedy that is a genre that is greatly missed and will never come back. People used to scoff at these movies but for teenage boys growing up in the 80's, these movies were the little bits of gold in the video store. There was never a lot of sex but enough nudity to have a little peek and they also still had silly stories that were fun to watch. I can't be the only one who thinks this as they made enough of these kinds of movies. "Hollywood Hot Tubs" begins with Shawn (Paul Gunning) and his buddies altering the Hollywood sign to read "Hollyweed". Shawn is busted and is told by his parents that he can either get a job or go to jail. He ends up working for his uncle at a plumbing company that is trying to score a big contract with Hollywood Hot Tubs. The rest of the movie is a series of plumbing misadventures with Shawn and another plumber named Jeff that usually involve sex in some way as all the calls are to hot tubs. We see Shawn trapped under a deck while a couple get it on above him. We see Shawn trapped in a massage parlor with some green card needing prostitutes and a language barrier, and we see Shawn trapped in a hot tub with a female soccer team who think he is a movie director. All the while, Shawn is trying to win the affections of the straight homely co-worker who we all know he will be better off with anyways. We all know that these movies were not the greatest but they were charming and innocent and I think a lot of fun. I can't watch them very often but whenever I do, I usually enjoy them. With Jewel Shepard as a, like, bimbo daughter, "Carrie II" director Katt Shea as the female who gets it on on the deck, and Russ Meyer girl Edy Williams as the oversexed Desiree. There is also a scene in an arcade which really brought me back and they were playing a video game that I used to really like.
I thought that this would be a lot better than it was as so many people take the time to seek it out. This is based on the book of the same title that is about a 15-year old girl who comes from a normal family and gets heavily involved in drugs which results in her running away, becoming a prostitute, and eventually crashing. Alice was played very well by Jamie Smith-Jackson but although I sympathized with her character, I think that the fact that this was originally a TV-movie held a lot back and did not really show what would have made you feel a lot worse for her. All the "really bad" stuff was told through a couple of sentences of voice-over and you never really saw how bad it was. The music was good and the party scenes were done well but the movie jumped around too much and I think it moved too quickly by bringing a normal girl from normalcy through a downward spiral of drugs and sex and back to normalcy in just over an hour. If you want to see a good movie about how drugs can ruin a young person, check out "Christiana F.", "The Basketball Diaries", or Sean Astin's performance in "Where The Day Takes You". With William Shatner as Alice's dad, MacKenzie Phillips as her friend, Charles Martin Smith as a kid looking to score, and Robert Carradine as a grocery store bagger.
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