The Poseidon Adventure (1972)  

Even if you for some reason do not appreciate all the great characters, suspense, acting, and action that this flick provides, you must appreciate the legs of Stella Stevens, Pamela Sue Martin ("Nancy Drew"), and Carol Lynley ("The Night Stalker") that are constantly on display.  This trio of soaked beauties in hot pants (and in Stella's case panties) provides more than enough entertainment even without the whole disaster movie angle.  Seriously, folks, this movie blows "Titanic" out of the water as far as entertainment goes and I felt way more for these characters than old Leo and Kate.  I also finished the movie in half the time and got to see some cool old-school effects rather than the overblown CGI that dominated Jim Cameron's love story.  "The Poseidon Adventure" is a classic case of what made the action films of the 70's so much better than today's dreck as time was spent on character development and a decent script rather than on some flashy fake-looking effects.  We can also see the benefits of having actors move around real sets with real water and real fire as it makes the plot much more believable and intense as the audience is not completely removed from the picture each time a special effect occurs.  Legend has it that the actors did almost all of the stunts themselves and it shows on screen.  It also doesn't hurt that the cast includes Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine, Roddy McDowall, Shelley Winters, Red Buttons, Jack Albertson ("Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory"), Leslie Nielsen, and the aforementioned bathing beauties.  "The Poseidon Adventure" is a near perfect adventure film where the campy moments work in it's favour and it takes itself seriously enough to make for a great movie experience.  Check out the widescreen DVD for maximum enjoyment!

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

This is one of the true classics of the slasher genre and one that really paved the way for the whole 'scream queen' movement of the 80's.  For this reason alone, I regard this as a must-see and also regard it as an important movie in one of my most beloved genres.  Trish is an 18 year old college student who gets naked in the first two minutes of the film.  Shortly thereafter, her parents are seen going away on vacation which leaves a vacant house for the slumber party of the title.  A few minutes later we are in a gymnasium at a girl's basketball practice which is really only an excuse for a token shower scene in the girls' locker room.  So far so good as we see the cast of young beauties bathing and discussing their plans for the weekend.  Unfortunately the new girl, Valerie, is a bit of an outcast who is not wanted at the weekend lingerie-fest.  What seems to be leading to a potential red herring is soon dismissed as we are quickly introduced to our killer Russ Thorn who looks like Fuad Ramses from "Blood Feast" armed with a power drill.  Drillings ensue and the girls are soon being terrorized at their party (by Fuad along with the usual obnoxious prankster boys).  I found the characters in this flick a little more intelligent than the norm perhaps because the movie was written and directed by women.  Some good gore, good suspense, and although it looks and feels very low budget, an all around good slasher movie.  This was one of scream queen Brinke Stevens' first roles and Brinke is the only actress who really went on to have a major career.  Star Robin Stille (Valerie) committed suicide in 1996.  Two sequels followed which were not nearly as serious or suspenseful as the original.

Last House On The Left (1972)

To think that the director of this movie went on to make an inspirational family film starring Meryl Streep shows that anyone can do anything they want to in the film business so long as luck is on their side.  "Last House On The Left" is a masterpiece of brutality which involves a pair of likable teenage girls being tortured to death by one of the most unique evil trios in film history.  Director Wes Craven brings us a revenge movie that not only succeeds in shocking the hell out of it's audience with graphic displays of violence but also manages to give depth to the three main villains and show us in an unspoken manner that they too are affected by what they are doing.  This kind of care in rarely taken when it comes to bad guys but the performances of David Hess, Jeramie Rain, and Fred Lincoln are on another level.  In addition to this, Craven also manages to make the already horrible events being depicted even worse by cutting back to one of the girl's happy parents preparing a birthday party for her and becoming more and more worried as the hours pass by.  These scenes really hit me (especially the birthday ones) as these caring parents are totally unaware of the living hell their daughter is enduring.  For a film of this type, this one is near perfect with my only complaint being the comic relief of the bumbling cops (Marshall Anker and Martin Kove).  I wish that these characters were more serious however one can only imagine how unrelenting the film would be without them.  I suppose that Craven felt he needed to give some breaks from the violence but I found that these scenes could have been handled differently.  This is not a major problem however and does not detract from the film as a whole.  The last act was a little weak but the first two thirds of the film more that make up for this.  Craven went on to become a major director with "A Nightmare On Elm Street" and "Scream" among others.  Producer Sean Cunningham went on to direct the original "Friday The 13th".  Of the stars, David Hess unfortunately became typecast as a Krug-like character (but he is damn good at it), Fred Lincoln is now a major porn director,  Jeramie Rain married Richard Dreyfuss, and Martin Kove was in "Death Race 2000" and "The Karate Kid" among others.  Horror director Steve Miner ("House", "Lake Placid") got his start on this movie.  The songs were written and performed by David Hess.  

Who Saw Her Die? (1972)

As with most giallos, this one had an awesome opening sequence preceding quite a cool movie.  We open with a kid getting murdered in the snow by a veiled killer.  Child murders are particularly brutal even when they do not show anything just due to the subject matter.  After this scene, the film jumps ahead a few years to Venice and a sculptor named Franco (George Lazenby).  Franco's daughter has come to visit him and much of the first half hour is spent developing their relationship and introducing a number of characters in typical giallo fashion to give the viewer a number of choices as to who the weirdo child killer is.  Franco's daughter is the next to die and the remainder of the film focuses on Franco's search for the killer.  Although this movie is not nearly as graphic as some that I have seen in the genre, the pacing makes up for it and provides an engaging mystery that makes good use of the Venetian locations that range from narrow, winding streets to huge empty warehouses.  There were a number of memorable scenes with my favorites being the funeral of Franco's child with it's extremely somber tone, the murder in the bird room, and the scene in the cinema.  There was also a nice blood out of mouth shot in a strangulation scene that was quite well done.  Some of the more notable co-stars include Anita Strindberg ("Women In Cell Block 7") and Adolfo Celi ("Thunderball").  The girl who played Franco's daughter went on play in "Andy Warhol's Frankenstein" and Dario Argento's "Deep Red" and eventually was the usher in the theatre in Lamberto Bava's "Demons".  Lazenby did a decent job but he looked more like an older Rock Hudson than the cool James Bond from four years earlier.  Ennio Morricone did the creepy score.

Sugar Hill (1974)

Any flick that opens with a 70's funk song called "Supernatural Voodoo Woman" playing over a voodoo ritual is going to get a good review on this site.  After this stellar opening, we have an fantastic blaxploitation zombie revenge flick that knows when to have fun and when to proceed with the story.  The movie moved along nicely spacing out the zombie revenge sequences nicely over the course of the 90 minute running time.  Marki Rey stars as Diana Hill (whose boyfriend calls her Sugar).  The boyfriend is taken out quite quickly by the local thugs led by Robert Quarry and Diana's happiness is shattered.  She decides that seeing the gang members die individual painful deaths would make her feel better so she enlists the help of local voodoo priestess Mama Matrisse to raise the dead.  Matrisse performs a ritual in a swamp graveyard that is the stomping ground of dead slaves and the "king of the graveyards" named Baron Samedi.  Samedi acts as the ringleader of the zombies and helps Diana and her cool white jumpsuit get her revenge.  There are some interesting deaths including a pig feast and some stabbings but the highlight for me was the cool look of the zombies.  I would be very frightened if I ran into a group of crazy metal eyed black zombies with swords.  Overall this does not rank super high on the greatest zombie movie list but is definitely one of the more enjoyable films of the blaxploitation genre.  Fans of 70's movies will enjoy this and Don Pedro Colley's performance as Baron Samedi has an over the top charm that will make him a new icon of the genre for me.  The character is the same voodoo legend that was portrayed with similar gusto by Geoffrey Holder in the Bond film "Live And Let Die".  Director Paul Maslansky went on to produce the "Police Academy" movies.  Don Pedro Colley was also in "Beneath The Planet Of The Apes" and "THX 1138" and is a super nice guy in real life.  Co-star Betty Anne Rees was in "Unholy Rollers" with Claudia Jennings and Nat from "Beverly Hills 90210".  This is what a cult movie is all about, kids.

Porn Star : The Legend Of Ron Jeremy (2001)

Entertaining from start to finish, this is a documentary about the most recognizable male porn star living today.  When most people think of male porn actors, two names come to mind: John Holmes and Ron Jeremy.  Although they both share the trait of having impressive schlongs, in other respects they are pretty much opposites.  While John is thin with a sleazy reputation, Ron is known as 'the hedgehog' for his large and hairy body and has the reputation of being a very nice guy that would be fun to hang out with.  Another thing that separates Ron from the usual roster of cocks for hire is the fact that he really wants to be a mainstream actor.  Those in the know will have seen Ron in "Toxic Avenger 4", "Killing Zoe", "They Bite", "Orgazmo", and bit parts in numerous other non-adult films.  Unfortunately, he is shafted with the stigma of being an adult performer and this has prevented him from realizing his dream.  This is one of the themes of the documentary and while the movie was thoroughly entertaining, I found that the focus on the unrealized dream and lonliness cast a downbeat tone on the film at times.  One of the most heartbreaking shots to me was Ron arriving alone at a movie premiere and finding happiness in the glow of photographer's flash bulbs.  I felt that while I enjoyed the film, it was almost like an advertisement so that people would notice Ron and give him a chance.  In this sense, I found this made the film a little one-sided and perhaps shying away from some of the darker areas that may or may not exist in Ron's life.  In any case, you can't really go wrong with this one for an entertaining 80 minutes that will give you a little bit on insight into the life of one of the world's best known porn stars.  Some of the more notable interview subjects include porn stars Tabitha Stevens and Sharon Mitchell, Larry Flynt, director Adam Rifkin ("Detroit Rock City"), and Grandpa Munster Al Lewis.

They Call Me Macho Woman (1989)

Susan is a woman who is going to buy some property after her husband has passed away.  On the road to the property the car she is traveling in with her real estate agent breaks down.  Before long the agent is dead and Susan is being hunted by a gang of drug runners led by big and bald Mongo who enjoys attaching a metal spike to his dome and then headbutting people.  The rest of the movie entails Susan's capture, attempted rape, escape, repeat cycle three times, and finally culminates in Susan arming herself to the tits and kicking the gang's collective ass.  I think she goes through three attempted rapes by the time the film is over.  Now, with all of this and it being released on the Troma label you would think that this would be a rollicking good time that is loaded with sex and violence, right??  Wrong.  This movie is quite dull with no skin, minimal blood, and some of the worst editing that I have seen.  I should also comment that the acting is quite poor and you get the feeling that writer/director Patrick G. Donahue hired his family and friends to help him with his movie in all respects.  There were a few notable bits including a Chinese guy going up against Debra with his ninja moves and a stick through the ear after one of the attempted rapes but overall you can do much better.

Aces Go Places (1982)

Comedy bits in Hong Kong action flicks are usually lost on me but the slapstick humour that is prevalent in this movie was a welcome treat.  Essentially a buddy movie, "Aces Go Places" stars Sam Hui as a jewel thief named King Kong.  After a daring robbery of some diamonds (via wire/motorcycle/glider), King Kong leaves a white glove at the scene of the crime to lead everyone to believe that a legendary jewel thief named 'White Glove' committed the crime.  This leads to King Kong having the mob and the real White Glove on his trail and eventually has him team up with an bald American cop named Kodyjack (Karl Maka) and a female detective named Nancy Ho (Sylvia Chang).  Action and slapstick ensure in what essentially is a great film laden with influence from the James Bond films and classic slapstick teams like Abbott and Costello and the Three Stooges.  There are a number of standout stunt sequences such as the opening robbery, a tightrope walk, and the car crash heavy finale.  The comedy works well and results in a Hong Kong comedy that was more comedy than action and was still extremely enjoyable.  The world obviously agrees as this led to four sequels (with Hui and Maka in all five and Chang in the first four) and a recent re-release of the first four of the films by Anchor Bay.  This is also known as "Mad Mission".

The Manhandlers (1973)

Fans of 80's bikini movies will be familiar with the set up of this one.  A gorgeous girl named Katie (Cara Burgess) inherits her deceased uncle's business and decides that she too can be a businesswoman and hire her hot friends (Judy Brown and Rosalind Miles).  In the 80's, said businesses were not usually obvious choices for sexy locales with businesses ranging from car washes to nightclubs to hotels to wax museums.  The 70's however provide a much simpler choice with Katie's uncle's business being a massage parlour/brothel.  Katie doesn't like the brothel part so she gets rid of that and is soon giving legit massages.  The mob doesn't like this and Katie is quickly being muscled by mob goons to turn up the heat or pay.  We also have a nice guy mobster named Frank trying to smooth talk his way to Katie's heart and of course falling in love with her.  Sure the whole movie is filled with cliches but I thought it was pretty entertaining.  The end result is a very low budget "Bikini Car Wash Company" meets "The Sopranos" and shot in the 70's.  There is a funny failed seduction of a tortured artist, a bit of humorous self depreciating comments made by some black characters ("I'm a scrawny black man has no muscles"), a mobster who hugs people to death, and Katie's weird tendency to clear her head by going on rides by herself at the amusement park.  Although she looks really good in tight tops, Cara Burgess didn't do much after this movie but Judith Brown was also in "The Big Doll House" and Rosalind Miles was in a few genre pictures including Al Adamson's "I Spit On Your Corpse".  Director Lee Madden started his career with the biker classics "Hells Angels '69" and "Angel Unchained".

The Exterminator (1980) 

One of the nastiest decapitations that I have seen in a movie occurs in the first five minutes of this film along with a full blown Vietnam combat sequence.  It certainly grabbed my interest and the movie managed to hold it throughout in this story of a Vietnam vet who becomes a vigilante after his best friend (Steve James) is attacked with a hand held garden claw by some New York street thugs called the 'Ghetto Ghouls' (one of whom is cult movie staple Irwin Keyes).  Robert Ginty ("Coming Home") stars as John Eastland, the man who takes the law into his own hands and gives himself the nickname 'The Exterminator'.  Although John is ridding the city of bad people, the cops need to put someone on his trail and who better than Christopher George ("Pieces") although he is almost too nonchalant about his desire to catch John.  There is also an unnecessary love scene for George's cop with Samantha Eggar ("The Brood") whose character only seems to serve the purpose of providing a reason to go to an outdoor concert where jazz great Stan Getz makes a cameo.  There are a number of brutal bits in this including a death by giant meat grinder, a Vaseline covered soldering iron, and generally unpleasant subject matter all around.  We also get to see 42nd street back in the day with a quick shot of John walking down the street where he meets a hooker.  This was cool because you could see a marquee for "Firepower" starring James Coburn and O.J. Simpson as well as another theatre playing a double bill of "Cauldron Of Death" and "Beyond The Door".  Oh, how I would have loved to live in NY back then.  Overall, "The Exterminator" was an above average entry in the revenge genre that was popular at the time and is right up there with "Death Wish" and "Vigilante".  With all the blood and death though, the most memorable scene was George's character making a hot dog with two wires and a plug while talking to his girlfriend on the phone.  How did he do that??

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