Class Of 1984 (1982)

Awesome super-entertaining 80's trash from director Mark Lester who also did "Commando", "Firestarter", "Truck Stop Women", and "Roller Boogie".  This has a triple threat of great sub-genres: the high school movie, the punk rock movie, and the revenge/vigilante movie.  Perry King stars as Andrew Norris, a music teacher who is starting a new job at an inner city high school.  Soon he is getting into run-ins with the resident gang of punk thugs led by Timothy Van Patten.  As Norris continues to poke his nose into the gang's business, the tensions continue to escalate until Norris must resort to violence to protect his family and his students.  While I'm not going to get into the social commentary that this movie attempts to cover, I will say that this has become more of an exaggerated take on reality in today's world rather than the horrific 'what if' scenario it would have been in the early 80's.  There are some great scenes including a kid on angel dust jumping off the school flag pole, a punk chick getting naked backstage at a Teenage Head show, and the infamous table saw vs. punk gag.  The cast who played the punks haven't done much else: Van Patten was on the TV series "The Master" with Lee Van Cleef in the 80's but moved on to directing a number of TV series including "The Sopranos", Stefan Arngrim (Drugstore) was in "Fear No Evil", Lisa Langlois (Patsy) had one of those careers that always looked like it was going to take off but never did, Keith Knight (Barnyard) was in "Meatballs" among other things, and Neil Clifford (Fallon) seems to have disappeared in the late 80's after some small roles.  One supporting actor of note, however, is a chubby, pre-"Family Ties" Michael J. Fox as the goody-goody who gets harassed by the gang and eventually stabbed.  Also look for Roddy McDowall and Al Waxman in supporting roles.  The memorable theme song "I Am The Future" is by Alice Cooper.  Director Lester also made a sequel-in-name-only entitled "Class Of 1999".

Poor White Trash (2000)

The cover of this movie shows a sexy looking Jaime Pressly with her arms draped over a gun against a background of some trailer trash looking people and a couple of trailers.  Now even a character from this movie could look at that and know what to expect!  Mike and Lennie are two friends in smalltown America who decide that they want to start stealing so that Mike can afford to go to college.  When their mother (Sean Young) finds out what they are doing, she decides to get involved as they are not being too smart about it on their own and she will do anything so her boy can get an education.  She also happens to be sleeping with the high school bully (a hillarious Jason London) who used to harass the boys and who also gets involved with the plan.  If that doesn't sound dysfunctional enough, Lennie's grandfather (William Devane) as his wife (Jaime Pressly) also get involved and it is revealed that Pressly's character used to date London's character.  Believe me it is not as confusing as it sounds and this is one of those movies where I enjoyed the characters and performances so much that I was sad when it was over.  It was great to see Devane and London in decent roles again as I haven't seen these two shine like this since "Rolling Thunder" and "Dazed And Confused" respectively.  Also look for Danielle Harris ("Halloween 4 &5"), M.Emmett Walsh ("Blade Runner"), and Bob Koherr as an ex-wrestler who is obviously a reference to 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin.  I hope that writer/director Michael Addis keeps making movies because he has the potential to carry the torch previously held by Russ Meyer and John Waters. 

Zombie Lake (1980)

I really like all of the Jean Rollin films I have seen but I must say that this obvious "Shock Waves" ripoff was pretty awful.  The first five minutes were promising with a gorgeous young lady sunbathing nude and then going skinny dipping.  The camera even dipped below the surface for some nice looking underwater photography as it lovingly exploited the swimmer's body.  Then the damn zombies had to show up.  Now, I wouldn't have minded if the zombies looked somewhat decent or if there was a shred of suspense but unfortunately all that we had was a guy in slapped-on green facepaint.  I am not sure who did the make-up but it looked like perhaps an infant child of someone who was working on Lou Ferrigno was trying to start their own career early.   Things went from bad to worse as we met the inhabitants of the town of Boresville and learned about how they killed a bunch of Nazis and threw them in the lake and now the zombies are haunting the lake and attacking nude women.  I know it sounds intriguing but believe me when I tell you that this ranks in the same 'bad zombie movie' list as "Zombie Island Massacre".  The only other scene that had any redeeming quality was when a girl's volleyball team in a VW van show up at the lake and decide to get naked and play in the lake.  Again, this would have been great had the zombies not shown up but unfortunately they did and this brief moment of interest faded away as I began to count the bubbles in my beer.  There was also an unintentionally funny subplot about the daughter of one of the zombies and her reunion with her long lost (and stinky) daddy.  This is a true case where I think of the filmmaking team behind this and honestly have to ask what they were thinking and how could they not see how bad this was. I won't even get into how the underwater shots were obviously shot in a swimming pool, the reused scenes, or the overacting zombie on the left.  There are rumours as to there being more than one director and I can only  hope that Rollin's involvement was minimal.  He did play a police inspector in the movie but I am really trying to block this out.

Scrapbook (2000)

With the subject matter contained in this movie, I knew that it was not going to be pleasant.  What I got was a 95 minute assault on the senses that made me feel violated.  Viewing a film like this raises a number of questions about what I get out of entertainment and why people create (and watch) movies like this.  Perhaps it is to get out their inner demons, perhaps it is to see that we could have it much worse, or perhaps it is a reality check so that we occasionally crack away the candy coating on the world.  "Scrapbook" is a brutal character study concerning the relationship between a serial killer (Tommy Biondo) and his latest victim named Clara (Emily Haack).  Nothing is left to the imagination as the killer has confined his victim to his filthy house where he locks her in a room, humiliates, degrades, and tortures her.  Before you scream exploitation, I must add that this the character of Lenny the killer is also degraded and naked for much of the film as well.  I have not seen a movie quite this relentless in some time and I had a pit in my stomach from the lengthy rape in the opening act to Clara being confined to a milk-laden garbage can and being left to bake in the sun to the final credits.  There were a number of points where I flinched at what was being shown and at least one point where I was truly horrified that director Eric Stanze dared to commit the character's actions to celluloid.  Even the most hardcore horror aficionado should find something in here that will shake them up.  I feel uncomfortable commending everyone on a job well done but the performances and direction of this film are brave, unflinching, realistic, and superb.  My only complaint is that I didn't really buy the third act but by then I was looking for any sort of relief from the seemingly endless scenes of abuse.  Proceed with extreme caution before attempting this one.  Tommy Biondo spent five years writing and researching this film and died in a set accident on another film before he got to see the end result of his efforts.  A tragic end to an unusual talent.

The Young And The Dead (2000)

As a lover of both old Hollywood lore as well as cemeteries, I found this film to be quite inspirational and interesting.  This documentary tells the tale of how, when the Hollywood Memorial Cemetery fell into a state of disrepair, a young man from the midwest came in to totally reimagine the cemetery and, in the process, the whole business of death.  Tyler Cassity is the name of this young man and he created Hollywood Forever, a resting place for the dead that focuses on memories as well as monuments.  One of the many things that Cassity and his team have come up with is the great idea of making life story mini-documentaries of the people that are buried there that visitors can access through various kiosks set up around the grounds.  What is really cool about this is that the people participate in the making of these memorials before they die thus adding a very human aspect to the graves as opposed to simply looking at pieces of rock.  They have also renovated all of the grounds, gardens, and some of the gravesites.  On top of all that, they hold a Halloween party and a Rudolph Valentino memorial on the anniversary of his death.  What really holds your interest though is the people in the team and their charismatic leader as they are all unique and they come together perfectly.  I will definitely be making a stop at this cemetery on my next trip to Hollywood!  Some of the more well known celebrities buried on the grounds include Douglas Fairbanks, Tyrone Power, Bugsy Siegel, Hattie McDaniel, Peter Lorre, Victor Fleming, Cecil B. DeMille, John Huston, Peter Finch, and a memorial for Jayne Mansfield.

Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999)

I just finished watching "Wishmaster" and "Wishmaster 2" back to back and it really made me see just how awesome the original was.  It also shows how much the budget can affect the outcome of a horror movie.  Andrew Divoff returns as the Djinn, an evil genie-type who grants wishes in exchange for souls.  This time around he is released by a half-goth girl named Morgana (Holly Fields) when she is committing a robbery with her boyfriend.  The Djinn gets himself locked up in prison and begins granting wishes in the joint to try and build up his collection of a thousand souls.  Meanwhile, Morgana is trying to figure things out with her priest ex-boyfriend Gregory (Paul Johansson) and they try to stop the Djinn from 'fulfilling the prophecy'.  The story was not an engaging as the original nor were the effects but there were still a few good deaths including a prisoner being mashed through some prison bars that was quite nasty.  I'm not knocking the efforts of the special make-up effects of Anthony C. Ferrante ("The Dentist) but it is pretty hard to follow the efforts of KNB who did the original.  Also, when you add on some CG, a silly hell sequence, a hot-goth girl with an Ally Sheedy in "Breakfast Club" transformation to purity, and a woman shitting gambling chips (complete with sound effects), it tends to make the whole movie seem a lot cheesier.  All in all, an ok series mover that, as usual with sequels, does not live up to the original.  Look for Bokeem Woodbine ("Caught Up") as a casino manager, Robert La Sardo as a con who wishes for his lawyer to 'fuck himself', and Tom 'Tiny' Lister ("Friday") as a prison guard who wants to 'slow dance Compton style'.  This was directed by genre vet Jack Sholder ("The Hidden").

Fists Of Fury (1971)

The only Bruce Lee movie I have seen in recent memory is "Enter The Dragon".  I remember bits of his other movies from when I was young such as the famous Bruce vs. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar fight in "Game Of Death" and Bruce fighing Chuck Norris in "Return Of The Dragon" but I am sad to say the before now I had never seen "Fists Of Fury".  Not only did I not know what I was missing but this also served as a reminder as to how awesome this guy was.  He was not only a great fighter but he also took control of the screen with a charismatic presence that only the great action heroes have.  Bruce stars as Cheng, a man who has moved to a new town to live with some cousins and start a new job at a local ice factory.  Everything is great until a piece of ice breaks and a couple of Bruce's cousins discover that there are drugs being hidden in the blocks of ice.  It doesn't take long before these unlucky guys are killed (and cut up with a circular saw!).  The disappearance of these two leads to the other cousins searching for them and getting themselves in trouble as well.  As the film progresses, it turns into a revenge picture as Bruce gets more and more pissed off and as the running time ticks by the violence increases with some great fight scenes and much more violence and blood than I was anticipating.  There are even some boobs as Bruce gets drunk and has sex with a prostitute (which I also wasn't expecting).  I thought this movie was great and I was pleasantly surprised by the seriousness of it and I am eager to revisit the other works from Bruce Lee's short career.  This was also known as "The Big Boss" and there is a rumored extended version which includes a shot where Bruce cuts a guy's head in half with a saw!

Walking Tall Part II (1975)

I was not a big fan of the first "Walking Tall" and I found this sequel to be a step up from the original.  Although we are still focusing on the character of Buford Pusser, he is not the right-wing zealot from the original and is a lot more likable.  I am pretty sure that this has a lot to do with the fact that Bo Svenson took over the role and thus changed Buford's image and attitude in a positive way.  Instead of some freak on a one-man mission to rid the world of sex, booze, and drugs, we instead have a guy who still doesn't like the booze but is more concerned with getting revenge for his wife's murder.  I like this Buford a lot more and it was much easier to cheer for him in this film than in the original.  Throw in a few car chases, Angel Tompkins ("The Teacher") as a temptress who shows her boobs, Brooke Mills ("The Big Doll House") as a bad girl with a see-through top, Robert DoQui ("Coffy") and Bruce Glover (Crispin's dad) as a couple of deputies, Richard Jaeckel, Luke Askew, and a young Leif Garrett and you have a decent 70's action movie with a great cast.  This is a rare example where I thought the sequel was better than the original but I still have to say that the setting of dirt road America is a little boring to me.  Bo Svenson is currently being brought back to the spotlight with a cameo in Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill" as well as a part in Tarantino's rumoured WW2 movie "Inglorious Bastards" which is actually a remake of a 70's movie that Svenson starred in with Fred Williamson.

Miranda (1985)

Tinto Brass brings us this sex comedy starring the voluptuous Serena Grandi.  Grandi stars as Miranda, a woman who is looking for a new man after her husband dies.  She tries four different guys throughout the film including Andrea Occhipinti from "A Blade In The Dark" and Tinto Brass regular Franco Branciaroli.  Along the way, Serena gets naked repeatedly and shows off her large breasts and large butt.  At the end of the day, this movie was a big bore that I wouldn't recommend unless you have a fetish for large asses.  The best scene consisted of Miranda and a friend commenting on guy's asses followed by a dance number.  The colors and choreography in this sequence were great and that was by far the high point.  The score was done by Riz Ortolani who also scored "Cannibal Holocaust".  If you are looking to watch a Tinto Brass movie, check out "Salon Kitty" or "Caligula" instead.

Breeders (1986)

It is a mystery to me how this got released by a major video company like MGM.  This is a b-movie all the way that looks more like a Full Moon or Tempe Video movie than an MGM movie and it continues to baffle me when I see that it has had a DVD release as well.  Not that I'm complaining as this is chock full of gratuitous nudity, a cheesy monster, and some gore for good measure.  A creature is running amok in New York violently raping virgins and transforming them into, I guess, breeders.  It is up to the extreme bad actor team of Dr. Gamble Pace (Teresa Farley) and detective Dale Andriotti (Lance Lewman) to find the women at an alien semen hot tub party  before it is too late.  This is really low budget but it works as a b-movie thanks to the decent make-up effects courtesy of Ed French and the various Mathilda May in "Lifeforce" imitations courtesy of a number of attractive actresses.  My favorite was Frances Raines as the coked-out model who decides to do nude aerobics and take a nap when the photo crew goes for a lunch break.  All in all, a badly acted yet trashy 80's b-movie with all that you'd expect.  The director and a few of the babes also made "Bad Girls' Dormitory".  

Pentathlon (1994)

I have to admit that I had super low expectations on this one and I don't know what possessed me to buy it so I was surprised when I enjoyed this guilty pleasure.  Dolph Lundgren ("Rocky IV") stars as Eric Brogar, a German Olympian who is a pentathlon champ.  For those not in the know, a pentathlon consists of running, swimming, shooting, fencing, and equestrian.  I was hoping for some sort of pentathlon course with booby traps and so forth but had I read the box, I would know that that is not what this movie is about.  What the plot really is is Eric defecting to America and years later his obsessed coach coming after him with a gang of German secret police.  While we do fall into silly action movie territory with a neo-nazi conspiracy in the third act, we are given a few twists that make things a little more interesting.  For instance, there is the German henchman who inexplicably brings a ghetto blaster into a restaurant and does a weird dance to some hip hop.  There is also David Soul (Hutch from "Starsky And Hutch") doing his best Klaus Kinski impression as the lead villain.  Who knows why I enjoyed this?  Maybe Dolph is a better actor than people think.  I am not saying that you should go out of your way to rent this but if you do happen on it, you may be pleasantly surprised.  Look for Roger Mosley (T.C. from "Magnum P.I") as the guy who helps Dolph get back on his feet in the land of the free.  This was directed by Bruce Malmuth who directed Stallone in "Night Hawks" and Seagal in "Hard To Kill".

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