The Undertaker And His Pals (1967)
I remember seeing the trailer for this years ago and hearing the quick music cue of "did you ever think when a hearse goes by that one day you are going to die". This silly spooky line has haunted my subconscious for years and thanks to the miracle of DVD, I am finally able to see this classic. From the opening sepia sequence of motorcycle riders who look like they just rode out of "Psychomania" and their stalking and subsequent murder (complete with dismemberment and a flip to full colour) of a young beauty, I know I was in for a treat. It only got better when we realize that the murdering trio consists of an undertaker named Mort who is trying to drum up business and his two pals who are looking for dishes to serve in their wonderful restaurant named the Greasy Spoon Cafe. What's not to love with all this? Some other notable points include an expression changing photograph (a la "Cemetery Man") , some sexy secretaries, a dumb private eye, a pie in the face, an operation scene, and quite a bit of gore including a chain whipping, stabbings, severed legs, impalings, and an acid bath. H.G. Lewis was obviously a huge influence on this movie and I must say that I enjoyed "The Undertaker And His Pals" much more than Lewis' "Blood Feast" which offers a similar story. I also have to mention the ultra-cool music which is super catchy and makes the movie a lot more entertaining (especially during the hilarious stair-climbing climax). The 63 minute running time is perfect and make sure to watch to the very end for a neat sequence showing that all the actors were not really killed along with a great song that says "I cut in, I cut up, I cut out".
I friend of mine told me to try acupuncture for my bad back as I have tried nearly everything. After seeing "Audition", there is no freakin' way I am going to get acupuncture! I have heard about this one for quite a while now but I developed an aversion to Japanese cinema as I was not a big fan of the "Tetsuo" movies, the "Guinea Pig" movies, or "Organ". They were all a little too experimental for my tastes but after seeing a few more recent movies in the next generation of Japanese cinema such as "Wild Zero" and "Battle Royale", I decided to give "Audition" as try. Brilliantly acted and deliberately shot, the film plays like a nice love story to start and then turns into a nightmare. Shigeharu (Ryo Ishibashi) is a widower who comes up with an idea to pretend he is casting a movie to hold an audition for a new wife. One of the applicants is the shy Asami (Eihi Shiina) whom Shigeharu falls hard for and they begin a relationship together. Something goes wrong and then Asami turns psycho and makes Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" seem like Mary Poppins. I know deep down that this movie was pretty over the top as far as the torture scenes go but because I was subjected to Nacho Cerda's "Aftermath" earlier this week, I was not quite as disturbed as I should have been. I did find myself cringing though and if someone was taping me watching this, it probably would have looked like Nick Cage watching the snuff movie in "8mm". This is as good as the hype suggests and although there were some confusing bits, the movie had a satisfying story and enough disturbing imagery that I will be thinking about it for a long time to come. I guess I am now on the official Japanese cinema bandwagon...
Wow! Continuing on my exploration of the booming Japanese horror genre, I picked up this one. I have been feeling that horror is on its last legs as of late but if you take a look at the movies coming out of Asian countries and independent movies coming out of North America you can clearly see that horror is reanimating. "Junk" is an exceptional tale of a group of jewel thieves who meet at a abandoned government facility after a robbery to sell their goods. Things turn bad when they discover that the facility is a haven for hungry zombies. This movie rocked and was reminiscent of past zombie movies mixing Fulci make-up with Romero action. I found all the actors to be great and this one was missing all the weirdness that I find to be a turn-off in many Japanese movies. There was a good amount of gore, zombie chow-downs, gunplay, plot twists, and tons of style which sets this apart from the average flesheating fest. The abandoned factory location was fantastic with many creepy corridors, catwalks, and garbage filled rooms providing perfect places for our heroes to get into trouble. All fans of zombie films should check this one out as "Junk", along with "Meat Market", have given zombie movies some new found credibility and are paving the way for a resurgence of one of my favorite sub-genres. Lets hope that more filmmakers follow suit. Director Atsushi Muroga has made another movie regarding jewel thieves entitled "Score".
Direct to video action star Olivier Gruner ("Nemesis") stars in this story of a former underground fight club champion who is pulled back into it. Olivier plays Dirk Longstreet, a man with a past who is now training his brother as a university athlete. His brother finds himself in a world of trouble when he finds himself indebted to an underground fight club promoter who decides that he can become a fighter if he cannot pay off the debt with money. Dirk finds out that his brother has become a fighter in the circuit and decides he needs to get involved before his not-too-bright sibling gets his ass kicked by the current champion Kwan. While the circuit was entertaining enough to hold my interest there were a few problems. First off, Dirk did not fight enough. For such a legendary fighter, most of the impressive scenes were of Dirk training and the fight scenes were not as exciting as they could have been. Second, there was a plot twist involving Kwan actually being a pair of Kwan twins. I found this a little confusing. Finally, Dirk stealing construction equipment to bust into the circuit's compound was downright silly as was the fact that a good looking single guy with no ties would not have sex with the beautiful blond in the back room especially after he had given her $100. Call me a bastard, I call myself a realist. Look for former scream queen (with larger breasts) Gail Harris ("Hard To Die") as the love interest, b-movie veteran Billy Drago as the ill-fated friend, and Michael Blanks (brother of Tae-Bo Billy) as the Woody Strode-like circuit fighter.
Try as I might, I just can't get into Jess Franco. I mean, all of his movies seem to have a few decent scenes but aside from "Killer Barbies", I have yet to enjoy a Franco movie all the way through. "She Killed In Ecstasy" is no exception to this rule. We open with the credits over shots of dead babies in jars with the groovy theme song playing. Soon we are seeing the most interesting part of the movie: the set decoration. I must say that even though the rest of the movie was pretty lame, there was usually something in the shot that was cool to look at. The house where our leading lady lived with her husband was very far-out 60's as were other sets such as the restaurant with the circular glass windows. We also see some crazy 60's costumes with the standout being this metal top that Soledad Miranda's character wears while listening in glassy eyed wonder as her hubby talks of his research in a laboratory. That top has to be the coolest top I have ever seen. Anyways, apart from being a nice piece of nostalgia, I thought the plot of the girl whose hubby has gone mad so he kills himself and she vows revenge was boring and lame. Soledad Miranda was a beautiful girl who died too young but even though she is naked through most of the movie and she has sex with her husband's adversaries and mutilates their penises, I was still yawning. The one scene that did stand out and made me interested in the film in the first place was a lesbian scene which takes place in a room with shag carpet and which ends in Soledad murdering the other woman with an inflatable see-through pillow. I'd say that made it worth the rental but keep your finger on the fast forward button. You will probably like pressing it as much as the director of photography liked the zoom button on his camera. Look for Franco as one of the victims.
As many of my faithful readers know, 70's car movies are one of my favorite sub-genres. It's hard to go wrong with muscle cars tearing up the screen. "Eat My Dust" is a car movie that was pretty good but seemed to be lacking the balls that make these movies so cool. I think the main problem was that there is only really one featured car and all the movie really is is said car burning down country roads and leading the miniature local police force on an extended chase. Also, having Ron Howard behind the wheel took a little bit of the danger out of the picture for me. Nothing against Ron but is just not the same as Reynolds, Carradine, Starsky, or Hutch. Ron stars as Hoover, a dude who knows how to drive and knows how to get totally used by a girl. Darlene is a selfish thrill-seeker who uses her mighty fine ASSets to persuade Ron to take her for a ride in the winning car at the local race. To do this, Ron must steal the car and then 75 minutes of the aforementioned dirt road racing ensue. There are a few brief pit stops but for the most part, we are looking at the car tearing up the landscape for most of the movie. Now, obviously that is what we came for and I have to say that this was a lot of fun to watch but you can do a lot better if looking for a movie of this sort. Also, the fact that I thought the female lead was such a bitch made me feel sorry for Ron's character more than cheer him on. The scene when he was ordered to take the horse-drawn cart the the Corbin Bersen-manned gas station almost had me in tears. Look for Ron's brother Clint as one of Hoover's friends, Paul Bartel as a parent, and Ron's dad Rance as a sheriff.
This one surprised me. The box showed me a picture of a hot blonde kung-fu babe in an action pose. Usually, this is a ploy to get suckers like me to take home said box. Being the predictable consumer that I am, I did bring this flick home and was shocked that it delivered the goods in more ways than one. First off, usually a "kung-fu" movie (especially packaged like this) will have two or three fights and then the obvious finale action sequence. This flick probably had at least ten fights and the martial arts were pretty well done. To make things even better, star Jillian Kesner does her own fighting (which was kind of a rarity before Cynthia Rothrock came along). Jillian plays Susanne, a girl who goes to the Philippines to find her missing sister. Soon, she is involved in a 'to the death' fighting arena and with people in the local drug trade. The most notable of these people is Chuck (Darby Hinton) who for some reason reminded me of a cross between Robert Ginty and John Holmes. I guess it was the moustache and the bad acting. My favorite part of the movie was an amazing piece of exploitation filmmaking where our heroine is chased through some alleys and her clothes get ripped off bit by bit until she is forced to fight her attackers in only her panties. It doesn't get much better than that for shameless exploitation and director Cirio H. Santiago ("Ebony, Ivory, and Jade") doesn't miss any opportunities as Kesner is also fighting in lingerie in the first 10 minutes of the movie. I was also amused by a bizarre love scene involving Susanne, Chuck, obnoxious piano music, and clothes being torn off with a knife. Finally, I also must mention the title sequence featuring intercut shots of Jillian doing kung-fu and exploding firecrackers against a plain black background. I love those type of credits. Kesner went on to make "Raw Force", "Beverly Hills Vamp", and she is now a production co-ordinator on a string of Gary Graver-directed movies.
I almost fell off my chair when I saw that this is available on DVD! It's a good thing that movies are my only major vice cause I could not afford to have any more! Although this is not the greatest "nature goes crazy" movie that I have seen, I am still very pleased that I can buy this in a digital format if I choose to do so! Christopher George ("City Of The Living Dead") stars as Steve, a guide in the American mountain wilderness who is taking a group on a camping excursion. It's too bad that there is some weird problem with the ozone layer thanks to aerosol cans that is causing the animals to go crazy. Soon, our camping group is being attacked by hawks, wolves, cougars (in the dark), dogs, snakes, and a bear (in the dark). We also see the local sheriff get attacked by rats which was kind of cool. Can Steve get the group out safely?? Will the animals or the evil Leslie Nielsen be a bigger danger to the group?? Those questions and more await you. Seriously, this movie was decent but nothing special and you can do much better within the genre. The one thing that does set this apart though is the variety of animals that attack. Usually you only get one type ("Kingdom Of The Spiders", "Jaws", "Tentacles", etc.) or one specific group ("Frogs") but in this movies you have mammals, birds, and reptiles all posing threats to the group. You also have Andrew Stevens ("Night Eyes"), Lynda Day George ("Mission Impossible" and wife of Christopher), Susan Backlinie (opening death from "Jaws"), a sheriff who deals with the stress of the situation by having a piece of pineapple pie with ice cream on it, and Richard Jaeckel. Budding young director William Girdler also make "Grizzly", "Sheba, Baby", "Abby", and "Three On A Meathook" before his untimely death at the age 30.
I tried to see this one before but I didn't make it through all the way. As Hollywood now has it's claws firmly embedded in the idea of this film, I figured I had better see the original before the ending is ruined for me by some loudmouth reviewer. This is a tale revolving around a legend about a videotape that will result in your death one week after watching it. The images on the tape are surreal and it is very short but after it ends, the phone rings and you are told that you will die in seven days. Our lead character is a reporter who is looking into the legend and a race against time begins after she watches the tape. This is one of those movies that grows cooler as each day passes after you watch it. The whole idea (and result) sink into your subconscious and you find yourself enjoying the movie more in retrospect than during the actual running time. To be honest, after my initial viewing, I was not that blown away aside from the initial idea and the so-called "money shot". It is now a few weeks later, however, and I am quite impressed by the complexity of the story as the meaning of the title is quite frightening. I am curious to see what Hollywood did with this one but I will definitely be waiting for video. There is also a sequel and a prequel in Japan.
Of all of the new wave of Japanese horror films in this batch of reviews, this is the one that I didn't feel lived up to the hype. Although the action is great and there are buckets of gore gloriously splashing across the screen, I simply did not really care about the characters and their fates. This is a movie that is high in style but low in plot and character development. We have a couple of escaped prisoners, some yakuza, and a few other people in the 'forest of resurrection' who spend the the two hours of the movie kung-fuing, chopping, dismembering, shooting, kicking, and yelling. There were many cool sequences with my favorite being the zombies brandishing guns scene. All in all, however, I found myself a little bored because it was all action and no substance. Director Ryuhei Kitamura is clearly influence by Raimi, Woo, Jackson, and the Wachoski brothers but unfortunately the script could have been a lot better. Imagine the action of "Hard Boiled" or "The Matrix" with the awful "Mission: Impossible 2" script and subtract the plot and you may have an idea of what happened. For what it is, the film is an amazing display of action and gore but I am disappointed because with a better script, this could have been amazing.
I found this movie to be really interesting initially because we have a German director taking on a movie about four American servicemen who rape a German teenage girl in a small German town and the trial that follows. While one would think that this would be a one-sided American bashing film, the star of the film is Kirk Douglas (the year after "Spartacus") playing the defense attorney for the rapists. On top of all that, the victim is treated like shit by pretty much everybody in the movie making for what must have been a hell of a controversial film back in 1961 and a story that remains totally engrossing forty years later. I was captivated from the opening sequence with the famous theme song through the trauma of the rape, it's aftermath, and the effect on everybody immediately involved. I also found it very interesting that the least affected by everything seemed to be the actual rapists who were more like set dressing than the monsters that they were. Some other points of interest include a young Robert Blake (who says some pretty eerie dialogue considering what has become of him in real life), great cinematography, an amazing location in Bavaria, and the beautiful Christine Kaufmann whose immense talent shines as she is so integral in making this film what it is. Also look for E.G. Marshall ("Creepshow") as the prosecutor and Richard Jaeckal and one of the rapists. Highly recommended.
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